What does it mean to kind to yourself
Updated: May 6
Spiritual teachers, holistic practitioners, coaches and healers alike all tell us to be kind to ourselves, but what does that really mean? Does it mean drawing ourselves a hot scented bath, relaxing with a glass of wine, treating ourselves to a night on the couch with a good book or a feel-good movie or spending a day at the spa?
While these are all things that we might need in order to recharge our batteries and while listening to our bodies and intuitive sense of wellbeing is loving toward ourselves, being kind to ourselves is more than sporadic acts of retreating from our busy lives and giving our bodies and minds a welcome break from the stresses of our daily existence. These are only outside solutions geared to make us temporarily feel better, whereas being kind to ourselves goes much, much deeper than that.
Being kind to ourselves is a daily practice of awareness and requires us to be aware of our thoughts and our subconscious programming. Thoughts like: “I am not good enough”, “I am a failure”, “I am never going measure up”, “I am fat and ugly, nobody would want me now”, “I am shy, people must think I am boring” etc. etc. are unkind thoughts and therefore unkind to ourselves. Why? Because they are in conflict with who we really are, which is pure and unconditional love. In other words, the vibration of these negative thoughts and beliefs are not in alignment with who we are, therefore they create an incoherent, chaotic state in our physical and emotional body. Our body becomes like an orchestra that is out of tune.
It is not difficult to understand that when we think and feel negatively about ourselves, it will impact our lives and our health. People who are constantly negative are not happy people and are not pleasant to be around. So, it impacts our outside environment (and the people we come in contact with), as well as the environment inside ourselves. It creates dis-ease, illnesses and pain.
What we often do not realize is that, when we feel anger, hatred, resentment or judgment toward others, we equally create an incoherent, chaotic state within our body and mind. Therefore, it is also not being kind to ourselves when we harbour negative energy toward another person. Negative thoughts and emotions towards another, such as judging them for unwise or unjust behavior, wishing them ill or wanting them to suffer for their actions, may be justified from an egoic, cultural or societal point of view, but we are the ones paying the price in the end: an incoherent state of being, which causes us suffering and pain.
Being kind to ourselves then means letting go of all of that which is unkind, negative, limiting, constricting and against our true nature. Our true nature is pure and unconditional love-consciousness. It is forgiving and compassionate, it is inclusive and wants to be of service, it is understanding and wise and it is life-affirming.
Being kind to ourselves requires awareness, as mentioned above, of our negative thoughts, emotions and beliefs and then bringing a softness to it. In other words, when we notice unkind thoughts and behaviours, we soften toward them: we are compassionately understanding our pain and process instead of judging ourselves to be incompetent failures; we forgive the parts in our psyche which are still unconscious instead of condemning ourselves as not (good) enough; we communicate from the heart instead of lashing out in pain or alienating people from our lives; we try to understand our deepest wounds and bring love and healing to them instead of blaming others for our pain. We find the stillness of our deepest being to see the wisdom that is already present instead of dominating and controlling our reality from our ego and our intellect. In short, being kind to ourselves is living from our heart.
So, if unkind thoughts, emotions and actions cause an incoherent vibration within the body's energy system causing disease, illness and pain and kind thoughts cause coherent vibrations, which brings the body's energy system into balance and harmony and its natural state of love and perfection, then it stands to reason that by being kind to yourself, you are healing yourself.
By creating a neutral space of unconditional love during the session and having a clear intention of bringing the body to a state of health and homeostasis, a craniosacral therapist also brings the body into coherence, which is why you feel so balanced and relaxed after a session and pain often disappears. However, the changes will not last if you go home and continue to beat yourself up for this, that and the other, keep blaming your parents for your misfortunes and resent your partner for not puting out the trash. When you do the work by being kind to yourself and have absolute trust in an outcome that is for your highest good, (which, by the way, is the biggest hurdle for our ego), then the conscious, cosmic intelligence within you and all around you will make that happen. No doubt!
In order to assist my clients on their healing journey and to be the best I can be for them, I too have to clear unconscious pain and beliefs and raise my vibrations to a coherent state of unconditional love for self and others. I do this by meditating daily. I give myself permission and time to find the stillness within, witness that which comes up for healing and allow it to be there. I then raise my vibrational state by bringing up elevated emotions, such as love, joy and gratitude. I forgive myself and others for having been the victim, the bully or the hero at different times in my life through understanding that we all have the capacity to be and act unconsciously. I realize that at that time, I made the right choice and if I had known better, I would have done better. And most importantly, I trust the process and know that I am pure consciousness, and that pure consciousness is unlimited, unconditional love and wisdom compassion and only has my best interest at heart. Giving myself the time each day to sit in these beautiful vibrations is a big part of being kind to myself.
I also find it extremely healing to surround myself with a community of like-minded people, who remind me of who I want to be in this world. I used to belong to such a community, but while my heart to others wants to be open and being of service is in my nature, I could no longer align with its direction. I would therefore caution you to beware of human (spiritual) egos and subconscious personal motivations. Always continue to check in with your heart and inner wisdom: "Do I still align with this community's direction and vibration and is this still in my highest good." We know of guru's who reached remarkable states of awakening and lost their clarity and wisdom when they allowed the reverence they received from their followers to feed their ego.
Since leaving this community I have known that, although changing the world begins with oneself and is done one person at the time, there is power in numbers. If I want to raise the vibration on this planet and help heal the world and shift its direction, I must align myself with others who are committed to do the same. Think of it as the difference between a flashlight and a floodlight.
Six months ago, I finally found what I have always been looking for. I found an online coherence healing community, led by Cornelius Christopher, who, just over two years ago, had an awakening of an unprecedented nature, leaving him with no inner voice (ego) and the ability to connect directly with consciousness. Cornelius describes coherence healing as a "heart-based interactive online wellness centre, specialising in raising your body to a coherent vibration, removing emotional trapped negative energy stored in the body." This community gathers almost daily to engage in activation meditations, which raises your level of consciousness and vibrational state of being. When your consciousness expands, your heart will open and you will experience higher vibrations, such as love, joy and gratitude. In other words, you will experience your true natural state of being. Suddenly you realize you are more than just this physical body and the dawning of this realization is the beginning of an awakeningprocess into who you really are, which is pure consciousness.
If you feel inspired to become part of an online coherence healing community, raise your vibrations, become an ambassador for change and to make kindness the new norm, visit www.coherencehealing.love.